SATIRE

It was a dark day when I realized that laying in a bathtub full of amethyst and rose quartz wouldn’t cure my narcolepsy. I know. Shocking, right? All of these internet mom bloggers recommended “healing crystals” and even kindly offered to sell them to me! All I had to do was buy them, put them all around me, charge them in the sun (?), and wait for their powers to come out into the air.

Their powers were supposed to get into my brain. I’m not exactly sure how. Probably via some sort of telekinesis, or maybe it’s something about…

With the new year right around the corner, we’re about to see an influx of “new year, new me” posts on social media. Self-improvement articles are about to flood our news feeds, reminding us of how inferior we are because we didn’t allocate our entire days to productivity. Just like always, we’re about to be told that the key to being successful and productive is to wake up early, meditate, journal, skip the coffee, watch the sun rise with bags under our eyes, and develop a routine from which we should not deviate.

In the words of Sheldon Cooper, this…

According to some celebrities and influencers, 266,000 coronavirus-related deaths aren’t their problem, and the CDC’s guidelines (which are intended to maximize safety) don’t apply to them. Halloween and Thanksgiving were perfect excuses to throw parties and share pictures of their social events on social media, while thousands of Americans who have been taking strict precautions for months watched loved ones die over Facetime.

Of course, COVID-19 must not feel like such a big threat to people who are privileged enough to be able to purchase the best possible medical care in the event that they fall ill. But for those…

TL;DR: Do not take out a coding bootcamp loan with Skills Fund (aka Skills.Fund). It is not a private student loan. It is a private consumer loan. There is a big difference between private student loans and consumer loans.

It doesn’t matter what your credit report says. It doesn’t matter that Skills Fund’s own website calls it a “tuition” loan, nor that they market themselves as “a provider of student loans” [1]. It doesn’t matter that it’s serviced by a student loan servicer. It is not a student loan. It is a private consumer loan — the same type of…

Many people seem to believe that social media websites are powered by a magical, super-special file called The Algorithm™, as if only a single, complicated equation in a heavily-guarded, secret document determines whether your posts get the organic reach you desire.

• Your latest post didn’t reach enough people? It must be The Algorithm.
• Your YouTube video didn’t go viral this time? Must be The Algorithm again.
• “Comment on this post so the Facebook algorithm knows to show my posts in your feed!”
• You notice some changes to a social media website’s user interface, so they must have also changed The…

The News Break Creator Program is a relatively new program for writers who publish regularly. It promises to pay creators a guaranteed monthly minimum if they reach certain achievable benchmarks. It also promises to pay an additional fee for each article read. I introduced the News Break platform here:

Is this legit?

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: yes, but it’s still in its infancy, and there are a few bugs to work out. For one, the analytics are extensive, but I don’t see a payment tracker yet. Also, the editor sometimes glitches when trying to move a picture. Finally, it seems that the…

I’ve been writing on Medium for 2 years. I’ve enjoyed it. Some months, I’ve paid my NYC rent with my earnings. Other months, not even close. I’ve been searching for another platform to supplement my earnings, and I’m happy to report that I’ve found one.

The News Break Creator Program is new, but News Break itself is not. With over 20 million active users, News Break has become one of the most popular news aggregators in the United States. Now, they’re investing quite a bit of money in building their creator program. …

In case you missed it, technology is “in” and Google Drive is all the rage lately. Gone are the days of using Microsoft Word; your company uses Google Drive now. Say goodbye to email; you can Slack your colleagues instead. Skype? What’s that? You’ll be using Google Meets and Zoom going forward. (Now is probably a good time to stop typing with only your pointer fingers, but I digress.)

Although we’re changing the way we work, we’re not changing the amount of pointless documents we produce. Although nobody will ever read them again, we’ll spend weeks making them, and dozens…